HOW GAMING IS RUINING MY LIFE

[lampofred]

"The purpose should be to support a patient's recovery, not to 'eliminate a disease.'" - Ray Peat

Maybe shift your focus to reducing cortisol, instead of directly trying to quit gaming?

I think when cortisol/nitric oxide are low you will naturally grow out of addictions. Many things besides diet impact cortisol, the way your living environment is decorated, light exposure, quality of social interactions, etc. Everything you do in life affects cortisol.

Methylene blue is one thing that can quickly lower nitric oxide.

 

[Peatogenic]

"The purpose should be to support a patient's recovery, not to 'eliminate a disease.'" - Ray Peat

I would shift your focus to reducing cortisol, instead of directly trying to quit gaming.

I think when cortisol/nitric oxide are low you will naturally grow out of addictions.

+1

(would also add that addictions shouldn't be judged, they are pointing to a real deficiency of a specific need. I've never gamed before, but it sounds like they could be dissociative. If they are, the body/mind has to be grounded. Dissociation has been described as "the fear of feeling real.")

 

[X3CyO]

I think knowing why the habit exists in the first place is important.


Is it to reduce stress just because its fun?
Is it to connect and team up with your friends to complete a goal together? Companionship?
Is it to escape reality?
Cause it doesn't require physicality, and is mentally stimulating?

If so, there are many other habits you can pick up that fulfill those wants/needs. Whether they will as efficiently is a different question.


A lot of the guilt is felt because people look down on it. Why? Subjective choice.

Contrary to popular belief, Gaming is a skill. Thats why people observe other people do it/anything. Thats what education and entertainment is built from.

People do a lot of things with no intention to be the best at it. People don't understand it. Does that make it a waste of time?

Is it really so bad to indulge? to be a kid?
Nobody wants to be an adult. To be free of responsibility, and to have fun with your friends.

Is satisfaction really found in just working yourself to the bone 24/7?

Cause I don't think thats synonymous with what Peat necessarily thinks unless we find enjoyment in said work.

I agree with @redsun
Once you realize its not a big deal, it'll be easy to change if it has to be.

Spoiler: Anecdotal Experience

Just some things I need to say, cause I too felt a lot of guilt playing video games, but when I addressed a lot of this, it helped me to begin developing a healthier relationship with video games.


I remember the first time I started playing video games: All the adults were playing some mortal kombat game, lining up to fight someone who was really good one day at an outside house party. I wanna say I picked it up, and wouldn't stop. I kicked a decent amount of butt, and beat the guy who was killing it. As a kid who never was really good at anything, it made me happy.

After that, I played games back to back as a kid; Halo 1-4, Mortal Kombat, Fusion Frenzy, Fable, Age of Empires, etc. at one point I feel I played the whole store, xbox, 360, pc, psp, gameboy, DS.

I remember reading my xbox gamerscore a long time ago, (which you get from completing challenges unlocking achievements), and at one point, I had enough points to be in the top 100.

The moment I got a game, id crush it: minimal food and sleep for days if necessary, playing the most difficult modes I could each time, doing every side quest and finding each easter egg. I remember playing late and waking up early before elementary/middle school at 4am just to crush a level or two pre-dressed in uniform. I looked so tired, some people supposedly thought I was cool cause they thought I was smoking weed.



Its ironic because I could've gone pro and gotten paid and caught the wave into this new generation of gaming, but I stopped challenging myself out of shame. Shame that this was all my life would be, and that wasn't good enough.

Thats when it stopped being a challenging, fun, cooperative mental exercise, and became an addiction rather than love for something I once took pride in being good at... thats what makes it sad. The perspective and view on it: not the experience itself.


My friend grew up alongside Tfue and his brother and still to this day are great friends... It makes me wonder what could've been when it was all just at my fingertips.
The funny thing is, is although i'm trash now, I can adapt back quite quickly when these binges happen. I think that might be another reason why the binges are so damn fun compared to a sesh here and there. That, and gaming itself really takes a lot of time waiting: for a match to begin, to get back into combat, for the game to develop enough for it to be difficult, for your team to get into position, for a match that is challenging but not impossible or so easy you fly past everyone, waiting for an enemy to move into position.
The actual "kill" is a few seconds at a time.
Like anything else really though.

Its a lot of practice... which makes it feel like a waste of time. But I think that comes with anything too... until you wipe the floor with people who are supposed to be better than you.
You get to be the underdog, and the master.



I've come to the conclusion that its all just the rule of supply and demand. If people enjoy it, its a medium to make money from.
More money, more variety of choice in enjoyment.
Hard earned, Hard spent, Easily earned, easily spent.
Time Earned, Time well spent.
Are you gonna have the shovel, or be the one selling shovels? either way you'll have a good time.

-----tangent
Most people who work themselves to death do it because they have to. It gives them anxiety not to. Its the only way they could survive, and it becomes fun. Sometimes to the point where they forget who's playing and who's not: They'll betray anyone to get the upper hand.

The human mind is smart enough to rationalize anything in order to help us survive. Even if its not rational.

Expecting people to live the same as another under different developing psyches and circumstances is insane. Believing in the capability Id argue is a different equation.


I think its kind of synonymous to my poorly mangled remembrance of a quote on smart people versus geniuses: A smart person can hit a target everyone can see, but nobody can hit.
A genius can hit a target that nobody sees. Id consider gaming was one of them for me, and I decided to walk away before "everyone" (the public eye) was looking.

Afterthought:
Id be interested to hear Peats views on external adaptations to internal stress.

 

[Artynoa]

Your subconscious always "wins" because you are your subconscious. You keep trying to fight yourself you will always lose.

IMO the best way to learn moderation is to get rid of the negative emotions you associate with your desire to play video games and stop denying yourself. Then play until you no longer feel deprived and then you'll tone down the video gaming naturally and integrate it back into your life the healthy way and won't feel the need to go on long gaming marathons.

The people that always try to control everything are the ones that always lose control and become addicted. You can't just be, you always have to be extreme. That is at the core of your problem. Just be.

Thank you for your long detailed answer @redsun . Every day in my life i realize how immensely powerful my subconscious is. It is so ridiculous that everything you do- is more or less directed by "IT". Sometimes my subconscious graps my head and let me things do and say- without realizing i did or said it. So if i try to fight against "IT" - im fighting against myself. That means it is a fight i can't "win". That means i try to catch my shadow... the longer i think about "IT" the more afraid i am of myself. Maybe i should start giving the subconscious more respect or more freedom. Maybe i should stop thinking about him/me and let "IT" express itself...

I didnt thought about implementing the gaming in a healthy amount in my life. Integrating it, like one time a week for a view hours may decrease my desire to play all day long for a view weeks. I think i will try it. Normally i start with things , like in Nutrition very slow, and than increase the amount until i got the right dosage to fell best and don't harm my life. Thanks for that @redsun .

How is this even possible? What kind of business do you own?

Im 30, i live in germany and im a private piano teacher, so i teach about 15 private students a week. I get on my bike and ride to every student home and teach them how to play piano. that makes about 5 hours of work 5 times a day. that is good money for me, because before that i was working as a dish washer- so now i have more time and more money- which is great and im very thankful for that. as a piano teacher its not very stressful but my workday starts in the afternoon at 3 o'clock. so im waking up in the morning at 8 and have a lot of time until work. My girlfriend has like opposite working times, so she's coming home when im leaving. And i never play shooter when my girlfriend is at home because i enjoy her so much. But when she's not at home- That makes the whole situation so difficult- sure im cooking a lot, experimenting with nutrition and listening meanwhile to podcasts with Danny/Goergi/Ray/Mattblackburn/Amplified Vitality and a lot more and im reading about one hour about Ray Peat Stuff like Ling, Barnes or Hillman- BUT as greatly i enjoy these things in my life, every 3 to 6 month i break somehow down...i run to the next shop and buy my so lovely xbox and the whole RUSH starts over again.

You're allowed to play games. Just manage it. To echo @redsun you don't have to control it,
just accept that playing games makes you feel good, and play a little when you feel like. Check
your mental state before and after playing. Do you feel more or less relaxed. Check your
body temperature, is is higher after playing? If you're honest with yourself you'll be able
to tell when you're gaming too much, and it becomes counterproductive. And not eating/drinking
during play is probably making things worse.

If adults were more child-like, the world would be a better place. The more stressed/low
energy we become the more obsessive behaviours tend to creep up. You enjoy gaming,
make it a regular part of your life/a hobby. And be happy about it.

Thank you @mrchibbs . Thats helping me a lot. Like @redsun said i would try to stop neglecting it and start a to find a way to do gaming in a healthy way. My pulse and temperature goes like skyrocket high. they both go really high, while gaming i feel like im going for a hunt. I have a good energy level in a "normal" day of life. But when im playing the multiplayer with my online friends- i got so excited, so immensely hyped that at that moment i feel nothing can stop me. I get so much energy, so much rage and so much focus that i don't realize i played 4 hours straight. And it felt like 20 Minutes. The whole experience feels fantastic. Im good at this game- not professional, but good enough to lead my whole team. to work with my team gives me so much confidence. my teammates are so nice, they accept me and are very happy to see me every time i join them to kick some ****...as stupid ist sounds.

Your story describes me so fully, even your rationale for focusing on health to heal the emotional hole, and spending too much time gaming. I can relate to 99% of your post.

Gaming is serious. Its a serious addiction I think. There's talk that addictions are ways of self-medicating, and theres talk that people heal themselves of serious addiction by giving in to them, within 5-7 years or something like that. I dont think any of this is true for gaming. I think gaming is an escape. I think the self-medication and the 'a-ha' moment that you must quit will happen when perhaps too much time is wasted. I think gaming, especially the addictive games, have to be STOPPED. I find literally leaving the home to be most effective. If you game on a desktop, get out of the house. Work at a coffee shop. Better, sell your desktop. If gaming is on a console, sell it, and again, get out of the house.

As far as fixing the hole inside, the psychosomatic problems down the line? If you come to a solution please pass it along. I fear these things will slowly creep up on me. Ray said something interesting about that, and I'll paraphrase: 'when your thyroid is good, the past stops troubling you, because you can just think what you want about the situation'. Along those lines.

Hope that helps, thanks for sharing

Thanks @jamies33 . I understand what you're saying. Abstinence is of course a way of solving this "problem". The point is, that every time i sell or destroy the xbox i fell very good, very free and ready to start to be productive in "real" life. And this works, im productive, i start earning more money, im a better boyfriend, a better brother and a better "human"? BUT: The cravings are coming back. The cravings are so strong and so powerful that im in "remote control". Like a machine, with no hesitation im buying my gaming stuff and staring over again. Nothing can stop me. Thats the main reason why im posting on this forum, abstinence is in my opinion is a incomplete solution.

You’re not as bad off as you think.

You've forgiven. You’re aware.
Many can’t say that.
Give yourself some grace.

Have you ever watched the Crappy Childhood Fairy on YouTube?
She’s solid. You may like her.
But she’s milk- and you need meat.

I’ve heard solid things about this book.
Your description of yourself and your behaviors sound fragmented.

Thank you @Peatful . Thanks for these nice words. It took me long time and sleepless nights to think about forgiveness. I think some humans are so devastated through trauma and bad nutrition that you yourself need to show them there is a better/other way of thinking and living in this world. And this way sometimes starts with forgiveness. i think the best way to change people you love, is first to change yourself. Thanks for the youtube suggestion, i watched one video of her and i like her calm and thoughtful way to explain things. i definitely will watch more of her stuff.

Thanks also for the book. I put it on my list of traumatic books and looking forward to read it.

I personally agree with Peat that a new perspective can alter your life, that trauma isn't "stored" in the body. What is stored is the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage. But I wouldn't call it a complex psychoanalytic experience untangling everything, though. Lots of introspection, sure, hyper self awareness necessary most definitely. I used to get very emotional when I saw my life changing, how the darkness and confusion was finally leaving me, I'd get emotional when I realized I was thinking completely differently, almost magically....but now my life has gained a kind of neutrality/normalcy to where I feel I've forgotten the former nightmare almost.

I know I made this comment about me, but the main thing I can share is that it's integrative. Let nobody tell you that a trauma disorder is not a serious medical issue, or that you just need to harness your thoughts. That's not how trauma disorders work. It's a combo, but our body really is where most of the damage has been done (see "limbic looping").

Thank you @Peatogenic . Thank you also sharing your experience. Ive also know peat talking about "that a new perspective can alter your life, that trauma isn't "stored" in the body. What is stored is the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage". That is very interesting. I thought about that and i was asking myself: what if you "repair/alter" the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage ,and then you visit the place where you meet the origin of trauma- and that is in my case my family- why do i fell the desire of excessive gaming after visiting my parents? Every damage that i worked on -to alter the damage done in my body through trauma, by using good nutrition and a healthy lifestyle- seems to be refreshed through memories from the past, seems to be refreshed by visiting my father and looking him in his eyes. I feel better with a healthy lifestyle, but there are forces that seem to reactivate the structure of pain no matter how strong you alter the "endocrine damage". Or maybe i just have to less experience and im too young and maybe it takes much longer to alter the structure of trauma, so it cannot return to its origin form. what do you think?

I never understood video games. They bring no value. They teach no skills. They don't make money. They don't help you move ahead. It's like porn. It teaches you to be a cuckold with your own life. Instead of seeking exciting experiences to LIVE in your real life, you vicariously live them through a virtual character.

Thanks for your though @GreekDemiGod . Thats fine. I dont understand people playing soccer. They bring no value. They teach no skills. They don't make money. They don't help you move ahead. It's like porn. It teaches you to be a cuckold with your own life. Instead of seeking exciting experiences to LIVE in your real life, you vicariously live them through a virtual character... What i want to say is that everybody is different. Sometimes people don't understand other people doing what they are doing. And thats fine.

Don’t agree with 100% what he says, but I think his general conclusion is true. And his recent videos are very much relevant to your situation OP; he’s talking about those kinds of binges you go through (and me too for that matter).

Thanks for the video suggestion @milkboi . Ive watched it and i have to say i don't see the world like he's doing. I don't think you have to sacrifice things to live a good life. Sacrifice for me is too much connected with pain and loosing something to achieve another thing. I don't think you have to sacrifice to achieve your goal. I think you can achieve your goals in life with fun and love. If there is a problem, you can solve it. And you don't have to have pain for the gain. I think you can gain a lot of things by being playful.

 

[Peatogenic]

Thank you for your long detailed answer @redsun . Every day in my life i realize how immensely powerful my subconscious is. It is so ridiculous that everything you do- is more or less directed by "IT". Sometimes my subconscious graps my head and let me things do and say- without realizing i did or said it. So if i try to fight against "IT" - im fighting against myself. That means it is a fight i can't "win". That means i try to catch my shadow... the longer i think about "IT" the more afraid i am of myself. Maybe i should start giving the subconscious more respect or more freedom. Maybe i should stop thinking about him/me and let "IT" express itself...

I didnt thought about implementing the gaming in a healthy amount in my life. Integrating it, like one time a week for a view hours may decrease my desire to play all day long for a view weeks. I think i will try it. Normally i start with things , like in Nutrition very slow, and than increase the amount until i got the right dosage to fell best and don't harm my life. Thanks for that @redsun .



Im 30, i live in germany and im a private piano teacher, so i teach about 15 private students a week. I get on my bike and ride to every student home and teach them how to play piano. that makes about 5 hours of work 5 times a day. that is good money for me, because before that i was working as a dish washer- so now i have more time and more money- which is great and im very thankful for that. as a piano teacher its not very stressful but my workday starts in the afternoon at 3 o'clock. so im waking up in the morning at 8 and have a lot of time until work. My girlfriend has like opposite working times, so she's coming home when im leaving. And i never play shooter when my girlfriend is at home because i enjoy her so much. But when she's not at home- That makes the whole situation so difficult- sure im cooking a lot, experimenting with nutrition and listening meanwhile to podcasts with Danny/Goergi/Ray/Mattblackburn/Amplified Vitality and a lot more and im reading about one hour about Ray Peat Stuff like Ling, Barnes or Hillman- BUT as greatly i enjoy these things in my life, every 3 to 6 month i break somehow down...i run to the next shop and buy my so lovely xbox and the whole RUSH starts over again.



Thank you @mrchibbs . Thats helping me a lot. Like @redsun said i would try to stop neglecting it and start a to find a way to do gaming in a healthy way. My pulse and temperature goes like skyrocket high. they both go really high, while gaming i feel like im going for a hunt. I have a good energy level in a "normal" day of life. But when im playing the multiplayer with my online friends- i got so excited, so immensely hyped that at that moment i feel nothing can stop me. I get so much energy, so much rage and so much focus that i don't realize i played 4 hours straight. And it felt like 20 Minutes. The whole experience feels fantastic. Im good at this game- not professional, but good enough to lead my whole team. to work with my team gives me so much confidence. my teammates are so nice, they accept me and are very happy to see me every time i join them to kick some ****...as stupid ist sounds.



Thanks @jamies33 . I understand what you're saying. Abstinence is of course a way of solving this "problem". The point is, that every time i sell or destroy the xbox i fell very good, very free and ready to start to be productive in "real" life. And this works, im productive, i start earning more money, im a better boyfriend, a better brother and a better "human"? BUT: The cravings are coming back. The cravings are so strong and so powerful that im in "remote control". Like a machine, with no hesitation im buying my gaming stuff and staring over again. Nothing can stop me. Thats the main reason why im posting on this forum, abstinence is in my opinion is a incomplete solution.



Thank you @Peatful . Thanks for these nice words. It took me long time and sleepless nights to think about forgiveness. I think some humans are so devastated through trauma and bad nutrition that you yourself need to show them there is a better/other way of thinking and living in this world. And this way sometimes starts with forgiveness. i think the best way to change people you love, is first to change yourself. Thanks for the youtube suggestion, i watched one video of her and i like her calm and thoughtful way to explain things. i definitely will watch more of her stuff.

Thanks also for the book. I put it on my list of traumatic books and looking forward to read it.



Thank you @Peatogenic . Thank you also sharing your experience. Ive also know peat talking about "that a new perspective can alter your life, that trauma isn't "stored" in the body. What is stored is the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage". That is very interesting. I thought about that and i was asking myself: what if you "repair/alter" the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage ,and then you visit the place where you meet the origin of trauma- and that is in my case my family- why do i fell the desire of excessive gaming after visiting my parents? Every damage that i worked on -to alter the damage done in my body through trauma, by using good nutrition and a healthy lifestyle- seems to be refreshed through memories from the past, seems to be refreshed by visiting my father and looking him in his eyes. I feel better with a healthy lifestyle, but there are forces that seem to reactivate the structure of pain no matter how strong you alter the "endocrine damage". Or maybe i just have to less experience and im too young and maybe it takes much longer to alter the structure of trauma, so it cannot return to its origin form. what do you think?



Thanks for your though @GreekDemiGod . Thats fine. I dont understand people playing soccer. They bring no value. They teach no skills. They don't make money. They don't help you move ahead. It's like porn. It teaches you to be a cuckold with your own life. Instead of seeking exciting experiences to LIVE in your real life, you vicariously live them through a virtual character... What i want to say is that everybody is different. Sometimes people don't understand other people doing what they are doing. And thats fine.



Thanks for the video suggestion @milkboi . Ive watched it and i have to say i don't see the world like he's doing. I don't think you have to sacrifice things to live a good life. Sacrifice for me is too much connected with pain and loosing something to achieve another thing. I don't think you have to sacrifice to achieve your goal. I think you can achieve your goals in life with fun and love. If there is a problem, you can solve it. And you don't have to have pain for the gain. I think you can gain a lot of things by being playful.

Reactivation is common. In the trauma world it's generally believed that you have to "release" the trauma, and the Somatic Experiencing school targets this issue the most. I worked on nutrition for 5 years before discovering my disorder, and it wasn't till starting physical rehabilitation for dissociation and hormone therapy that I no longer dissociate/reactivate/experience PTSD symptoms in the face of The stressor or stress in general. Trauma disorders create endocrine chaos that has to be repaired in a concerted way, almost like surgery or getting lifesaving medication. I think that with this also comes the necessity to accept whatever you have experienced, to feel what you want to about it, say goodbye to it if necessary. My body-altering trauma came from both my family as well as a second family. I no longer really associate much with my birth family, and I don't associate at all with my second family. Altogether it took me about 2 years to really process everything and also implement my physiological efforts specific to trauma disorders.

 

[nikotrope]

While our conditions are different, I recognize myself a lot in your story.

Identifying why you are gaming is important. I played games because it was the only way to feel alive during my chronic fatigue years. During this time I couldn't think straight and didn't have the energy to go out to have fun. Online games were an easy way to get an adrenaline rush (which hurt my health even more of course).

This chronic fatigue got triggered by psychological issues. I had to leave behind my parents, my wife, and my company (more precisely my associates) to start healing because their toxicity hurt me so much. It took me years to battle my fatigue and start taking those decisions but since then I feel a lot better and grow as a person a lot faster.

 

[Collden]

After three years of optimizing my nutrition im still overreacting to little stress and then immediately buying me a xbox and playing straight 16 hours a day for a week or two. basically im happy with my life, i have my own business, i have a wonderful girlfriend and im living a "good western life".

Sure some people did have a dark childhood. Im one of that people. I feel bad when im visiting my parents and brothers, but i don't show it. I hide my feelings and put on a mask so they think everything i fine- i do this because i forgive and still love my father. My sister does not have any contact to my family, she couldn't digest the past and said "**** you all". My sister i living her own life since about 10 Years, she's 39 and looks like ***t. She has now a big variety of diseases like diabetes, anxiety, panic attacks, extreme joint pain, back pain, big digestive problems and and and... her whole body is aching and she looks like she's 60. I see the psychosomatic connection to health. Her childhood trauma makes her so sick. And thats not a theory. I can see it every time. I can see it in her eyes.

And i can see it in the mirror too. I can see my pain, but i can't describe it. I thought i can handle it. I did a 150 Hour psychoanalysis therapy three years ago. I could have done more, but i stopped because my theory, that if i optimize my physical body, i will heal my mind. I tought my mind is locked in a physical body- and if I feed my body a highly nutritious food, i will then gain equilibrium for my life. I was one year in vegan heaven, after that i had more digestive issues, then i tried carnivore, then vegetarian and now im doing rays tipps for about half a year. I have to say, i never felt so good. Ray Peats Work definitely helped me, especially with my allergy, and that is a big deal for me.

But i have this gap inside me. Sometimes i just want to be a child. Sometime i just want to play. Sometimes i don't want to be an adult. I love life, and im going to live it until its fullest. But this Multiplayer Game is destroying every part of my life. I feel like a kid, when im playing my online shooter and meeting my old gaming friends. I love to fight and shoot and fly and learn new skills on the xbox. Ive played about 12000 hours in the last 5 years on this one particular Multiplayer Shooter. And i bought in this 5 years about 15 xbox, selled 10 of them after gaming until collapsing and the other 5 of them i destroyed all with a hammer in my garage.

Once i start playing, im like in a very intense flow. A Flow that is so strong, that i even don't eat and drink for hours- even if im really thirsty and hungry. It doesn't matter how good my body feels, it doesn't matter how wonderful my life is... every 3 to 6 month im like paralized. i can even watch 10 hours of gameplay on youtube... just to get that feeling of playing that game. I really don't know what to do.

I have the felling that no matter how good you treat your physical body- your subconscious will always win.

Did someone have a similar experience?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending your leisure time engaged in play as long as you have the rest of your life in order, I honestly don't see the problem here as long as you are actually having fun while playing. I know plenty of successful men whose lives many would envy who spend much of their free time playing video games.

 

[YourUniverse]

Reactivation is common. In the trauma world it's generally believed that you have to "release" the trauma, and the Somatic Experiencing school targets this issue the most. I worked on nutrition for 5 years before discovering my disorder, and it wasn't till starting physical rehabilitation for dissociation and hormone therapy that I no longer dissociate/reactivate/experience PTSD symptoms in the face of The stressor or stress in general. Trauma disorders create endocrine chaos that has to be repaired in a concerted way, almost like surgery or getting lifesaving medication. I think that with this also comes the necessity to accept whatever you have experienced, to feel what you want to about it, say goodbye to it if necessary. My body-altering trauma came from both my family as well as a second family. I no longer really associate much with my birth family, and I don't associate at all with my second family. Altogether it took me about 2 years to really process everything and also implement my physiological efforts specific to trauma disorders.

Can you recommend a book or some material to learn about how someone can think about self treatment?

Thank you for your long detailed answer @redsun . Every day in my life i realize how immensely powerful my subconscious is. It is so ridiculous that everything you do- is more or less directed by "IT". Sometimes my subconscious graps my head and let me things do and say- without realizing i did or said it. So if i try to fight against "IT" - im fighting against myself. That means it is a fight i can't "win". That means i try to catch my shadow... the longer i think about "IT" the more afraid i am of myself. Maybe i should start giving the subconscious more respect or more freedom. Maybe i should stop thinking about him/me and let "IT" express itself...

I didnt thought about implementing the gaming in a healthy amount in my life. Integrating it, like one time a week for a view hours may decrease my desire to play all day long for a view weeks. I think i will try it. Normally i start with things , like in Nutrition very slow, and than increase the amount until i got the right dosage to fell best and don't harm my life. Thanks for that @redsun .



Im 30, i live in germany and im a private piano teacher, so i teach about 15 private students a week. I get on my bike and ride to every student home and teach them how to play piano. that makes about 5 hours of work 5 times a day. that is good money for me, because before that i was working as a dish washer- so now i have more time and more money- which is great and im very thankful for that. as a piano teacher its not very stressful but my workday starts in the afternoon at 3 o'clock. so im waking up in the morning at 8 and have a lot of time until work. My girlfriend has like opposite working times, so she's coming home when im leaving. And i never play shooter when my girlfriend is at home because i enjoy her so much. But when she's not at home- That makes the whole situation so difficult- sure im cooking a lot, experimenting with nutrition and listening meanwhile to podcasts with Danny/Goergi/Ray/Mattblackburn/Amplified Vitality and a lot more and im reading about one hour about Ray Peat Stuff like Ling, Barnes or Hillman- BUT as greatly i enjoy these things in my life, every 3 to 6 month i break somehow down...i run to the next shop and buy my so lovely xbox and the whole RUSH starts over again.



Thank you @mrchibbs . Thats helping me a lot. Like @redsun said i would try to stop neglecting it and start a to find a way to do gaming in a healthy way. My pulse and temperature goes like skyrocket high. they both go really high, while gaming i feel like im going for a hunt. I have a good energy level in a "normal" day of life. But when im playing the multiplayer with my online friends- i got so excited, so immensely hyped that at that moment i feel nothing can stop me. I get so much energy, so much rage and so much focus that i don't realize i played 4 hours straight. And it felt like 20 Minutes. The whole experience feels fantastic. Im good at this game- not professional, but good enough to lead my whole team. to work with my team gives me so much confidence. my teammates are so nice, they accept me and are very happy to see me every time i join them to kick some ****...as stupid ist sounds.



Thanks @jamies33 . I understand what you're saying. Abstinence is of course a way of solving this "problem". The point is, that every time i sell or destroy the xbox i fell very good, very free and ready to start to be productive in "real" life. And this works, im productive, i start earning more money, im a better boyfriend, a better brother and a better "human"? BUT: The cravings are coming back. The cravings are so strong and so powerful that im in "remote control". Like a machine, with no hesitation im buying my gaming stuff and staring over again. Nothing can stop me. Thats the main reason why im posting on this forum, abstinence is in my opinion is a incomplete solution.



Thank you @Peatful . Thanks for these nice words. It took me long time and sleepless nights to think about forgiveness. I think some humans are so devastated through trauma and bad nutrition that you yourself need to show them there is a better/other way of thinking and living in this world. And this way sometimes starts with forgiveness. i think the best way to change people you love, is first to change yourself. Thanks for the youtube suggestion, i watched one video of her and i like her calm and thoughtful way to explain things. i definitely will watch more of her stuff.

Thanks also for the book. I put it on my list of traumatic books and looking forward to read it.



Thank you @Peatogenic . Thank you also sharing your experience. Ive also know peat talking about "that a new perspective can alter your life, that trauma isn't "stored" in the body. What is stored is the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage". That is very interesting. I thought about that and i was asking myself: what if you "repair/alter" the endocrine/neurological patterns/damage ,and then you visit the place where you meet the origin of trauma- and that is in my case my family- why do i fell the desire of excessive gaming after visiting my parents? Every damage that i worked on -to alter the damage done in my body through trauma, by using good nutrition and a healthy lifestyle- seems to be refreshed through memories from the past, seems to be refreshed by visiting my father and looking him in his eyes. I feel better with a healthy lifestyle, but there are forces that seem to reactivate the structure of pain no matter how strong you alter the "endocrine damage". Or maybe i just have to less experience and im too young and maybe it takes much longer to alter the structure of trauma, so it cannot return to its origin form. what do you think?



Thanks for your though @GreekDemiGod . Thats fine. I dont understand people playing soccer. They bring no value. They teach no skills. They don't make money. They don't help you move ahead. It's like porn. It teaches you to be a cuckold with your own life. Instead of seeking exciting experiences to LIVE in your real life, you vicariously live them through a virtual character... What i want to say is that everybody is different. Sometimes people don't understand other people doing what they are doing. And thats fine.



Thanks for the video suggestion @milkboi . Ive watched it and i have to say i don't see the world like he's doing. I don't think you have to sacrifice things to live a good life. Sacrifice for me is too much connected with pain and loosing something to achieve another thing. I don't think you have to sacrifice to achieve your goal. I think you can achieve your goals in life with fun and love. If there is a problem, you can solve it. And you don't have to have pain for the gain. I think you can gain a lot of things by being playful.

Please dont feel the need to give energy to the low vibration individuals judging your trouble, focusing on how or how much money you make, and etc. You are in the right place for healing despite some maniacal or condemning comments made. Your openness helps many people and their problems are no smaller than anyone elses

 

[Peatogenic]

Can you recommend a book or some material to learn about how someone can think about self treatment?


Please dont feel the need to give energy to the low vibration individuals judging your trouble, focusing on how or how much money you make, and etc. You are in the right place for healing despite some maniacal or condemning comments made. Your openness helps many people and their problems are no smaller than anyone elses

The Body Keeps the Score is considered the Bible on PTSD/CPTSD. But most of my treatment was novel or new and hasn't really been written about, though I'd say it references the work of Bessel van der Kolk. I was able to manipulate my thoughts and come out of dissociation through a progressive body weight technique administered by a dissociation researcher. It both brought back all my physical senses as well as changed the way my brain worked. The core symptom of anyone with CPTSD is chronic dissociation....its an alter reality that you think is normal...where you don't really perceive the world as grounded or autonomous, so no core sense of self. Even my hearing was magnified, sense of taste too, during my rehabilitation. One study I found showed that people with dissociation have overactive endorphin system. So if you went running, a "runners high" will last double the time. During even minor stresses, the body is flooded with painkillers. It's still a territory of research in its infancy.

The hormone therapy I started was just a combo of things I've read here on PTSD...as well as studies I've read by Kolk on how the endocrine system is impaired.

 

[Jib]

Gaming is an escape. I used to play Nintendo all the time when I was younger. I went through a lot of abuse and isolation and neglect in my childhood and gaming was an escape from that. I always have periods of time where I do a heavy amount of gaming. Then I'll stay away from games for months on end. Then back to them. It comes and goes in waves.

Blaming games is like blaming a Band-Aid for a cut or a scrape. It's a method of escape, not the source of the problem itself. If you healed and felt more content with your life and yourself, you'd have more freedom to choose different things to do. Even spending a lot of time playing games is not necessarily a bad thing, if you can afford it and it's what you genuinely want to do with your time.

The main issue is choice: does it feel like a compulsion, or is it something you really want to do?

I have the same thing with games that I do with work: laser focus, and neglect my physical needs, like food and water. Because I do the same thing with work that I get paid for, I think this is more a coping mechanism, and a result of dissociation, than videogames. I believe hyper-focus can be a dissociative adaptation that people who experience trauma can develop. You lose yourself in whatever it is you're doing. Lose yourself completely. It's beyond a "flow state" like they talk about in Zen: you neglect your physical needs, whether it's food, water, or sleep, or even delaying going to the bathroom for much longer than you should. It is not healthy.

My take is that memories need to be addressed. As many of them as possible, and especially the big, painful ones. I use a method called Faster EFT, developed by Robert Smith, which is based on NLP techniques. It's very simple and effective. The thing is, it can be difficult to commit to using, because it requires that you face these demons that are haunting you. Something most of us with traumatic memories would rather not do.

For me personally, gaming is an escape. So I know how it goes. I've played countless hours of games in my life. I find the urge increases the more anxious and dissatisfied I am with my life. The more hopeless I feel, the greater the craving to escape into some fantasy world.

The only time I was healthier in my life, I was working out regularly, had a girlfriend, and was building up my business. My time felt fulfilling and productive. As the trauma resurfaced and more issues came to light, I stopped functioning, and then withdrew into the cycle of addiction and dissociation again. I'm only just starting to come out of it.

You already have a business. That's great. For me, fear of failure/rejection/responsibility comes from my childhood trauma, and is something I'm working on addressing now. All these issues prevent me from committing to building my business, and keep me from socializing/interacting with people.

And when you're not happy with your life, and are still carrying around all these traumatic memories, the urge to escape grows. It's the same with drug addiction or alcoholism. I hardly ever drink anymore but there was a time I was having 10 or 12 shots of 100 proof liquor every single night. This seems very similar to me to my periodic gaming addiction. It's all an escape.

Also known as "escape-a-holism" or "avoid-a-holism."

Lately, I just sit by myself outside in the sun. Is that more productive than gaming? Who knows. It still isn't addressing the root issues. The real focus should be on healing the trauma and living a life you want to live, not demonizing this or that habit. And trust me, I know all about demonizing habits. I also have a habit of heavy porn use, that's really dwindled down as I've gotten older, but I still deal with intense shame about using porn. It's a misnomer. It's all an escape. Also, if your childhood was anything like mine, you learned to beat yourself up, shame yourself, feel guilty for nothing, and be very hard on yourself in general. Very critical of yourself no matter what you do. That's what needs to be changed.

Tons can be learned from Robert Smith's channel about Faster EFT. The ironic thing? I was gonna be a practitioner. Paid for the courses and did tons of work and free consultations with people and everything, and was all about it. When it finally hit me that it was something I could do, though, I panicked, and bailed. Fear of rejection/failure/not being able to handle responsibility. It's all intertwined.

You gotta ask yourself what you'd rather do with your time, if you could. Instead of feeling guilt/shame over playing videogames, or any judgment at all, ask yourself: what would you rather do, if you could?

Here's an NLP based exercise: you were very descriptive about how you feel while playing games. The excitement, the energy, the focus, the inspiration, the imagination. Is there anything else you can think of that makes you feel this way? When you think about those feelings, what else do you remember doing in your life where you felt the same way? Can you think of anything?

Tune into those feelings of excitement/motivation/inspiration that you get from games. I know exactly what you mean, by the way. Games can be magical. For me, I have similar feelings about going on adventures as a kid. Despite all the horrible things I went through, there are good memories buried in there too. Focusing on the positive feelings you get from videogames is a great way to tap into your imagination and memory. Try sitting outside in the sun and imagine some of your favorite games, and the best times you've had playing them. Then see if you remember feeling those emotions at any other point in your life. If you can't, imagine how you might feel those emotions if you experienced something else in your life. For me, I think of when I first met my ex girlfriend and how great things were in the beginning, or how excited I felt when I started making progress on the gymnastics rings, or playing outside and exploring as a kid.

The list goes on. For people like us, the tendency to obsess and dwell on trauma is tremendous. Faster EFT comes in handy there: you think about the trauma, and focus 100% on it, but with the intention of releasing it and letting it go. It has to be acknowledged to do that. For me, sexual abuse I went through was never acknowledged by anyone, neither was the physical or verbal/emotional abuse. I went through hell, and some of the worst part was no one ever was there to save me, and years later, to acknowledge me or what happened to me. This results in very deep feelings of neglect and unmet needs. The needs will grow louder the more you ignore them. These damaged parts of you need to be acknowledged 100% and recognized 100% in order to be successfully let go to make room for better things.

It's dirty work. But the mind is a powerful thing. For the bad memories, focus on acknowledging them fully, and then letting them go. Feel them fully. I have spent countless hours crying and barely being able to breathe as I've worked through past traumatic memories and experiences from my childhood. I will remember things that just absolutely crush me and the pain of going through it alone is almost unbearable. But I'll say this: even working on yourself alone, you can make tremendous strides.

I've been in therapy for over 15 years, and in my opinion, Faster EFT, doing it alone, has helped me more than anything. I used to do it with other people and they would always remark about how much it helped them. You can learn about this for free on YouTube if you search "Robert Smith Faster EFT." Tons of resources. Even just listening to this stuff can be very good for your mind. This one is one of my favorites:



And there are others like it. Just good info to get into your brain. I'm not sure of how much the methodology has changed over the years but I think the basic principles have likely stayed the same.

Anyway, it's nice to focus on things you really enjoy, and play the game of sifting through your memories and imagination to see what else makes you feel great, excited, and inspired.

It's a process of de-tangling. The trauma and the bad gets mixed up with the good. NLP techniques and methods like Faster EFT help to de-tangle the good and bad and get some more order into your life.

Get some good stuff into your brain. New perspectives. Having hope for dealing with trauma. Trust me: it makes all the difference. When I have been suicidal or attempted suicide, it was because I had no hope left, and saw no way for anything in my life to get better. Planting seeds in your mind of hope/positivity/inspiration will make all the difference in the world.

Your gaming addiction will likely sort itself out the more you address these issues. You can even ask yourself, "Do I think I have a gaming addiction? If I do, how do I know? How do I know I'm addicted to games?"

Your mind will fill in the blanks with the things you need to acknowledge in order to heal. Ideally this is a daily practice, even if it's just a few minutes. Start small and work your way up. Like exercising, it's easy to fall off the horse and get distracted and run away. Keep that in mind and make an effort to work on healing yourself and addressing the trauma you've gone through, in whatever way you can.

Talk therapy can help, just to have a space to go. But a good therapist is essential. Part of my issue is not being assertive, and putting up with bad or even abusive therapists. You gotta be your own advocate. If you're confident you'll be able to say "no" and not commit to a therapist that is harmful for you, I'd recommend searching. For people like me who tend to tolerate abuse, it's a bit harder.

Good luck. You can and will heal if you put your mind to it. It is far from hopeless.

From someone on the same side of the fence.

EDIT: Advice like Peatogenic's is great. You have to find what works for you. I think for everyone, there may be a particular methodology that "clicks" for them. What matters if you start seeking something and then trying something. I'm all for whatever helps people and am not married to any particular method. Just whatever works.

If you're undecided, check out YouTube and just start filling your head with positive messages about healing and coping and beyond that -- thriving.

 

[Artynoa]

There's no problem with playing games, just play games that have an end. If you plays MMO games, that's clearly addictive, it never ends, there is always a quest, a hidden item, and new boss, etc ...

Psychedelics can help, if used cautiously. Of course, check for legality in your state ...

Thank you @HealingBoy . Yes thats the point. Playing a shooter on storymode- thats whats making me really boring. Playing multiplayer with online friends- thats whats making me highly ecstatic. I try to use nutrition and supplements as psychedelics and sometimes it works

Methylene blue is one thing that can quickly lower nitric oxide.

Thank you for that tipp @lampofred . Methylene blue is something i have on my list and looking forward to try it out in future.

would also add that addictions shouldn't be judged, they are pointing to a real deficiency of a specific need. I've never gamed before, but it sounds like they could be dissociative. If they are, the body/mind has to be grounded. Dissociation has been described as "the fear of feeling real

thats also what is in my mind @Peatogenic . As i described it is this „gap“ inside me that i try to fill. But it never gets full. Its always empty and wants more.

 

[methylenewhite]

Just play. You don't have to feel guilty if you like to play. It's ok to be playing all day long. Society says you can't play because you're adult? Screw it. Just be happy with this life. People all around the world work 12+ hours a day doing stupid useless things to just eat rice and beans. Be happy you don't have to. Majority is bound for monotony. And they define what is acceptable or what is addiction. Someone has seeded that "addiction" idea in your mind. It's not an addiction it's called hedonism. Its called freedom. Through human history hedonism is blamed and ashamed. They say you can't enjoy something because it's antisocial. Do you have to coming crime to play your game? No. Do you have to lie to play your game? No. They invent all kind of addictions to get you feel guilty. The same way religions make you feel guilty about your instincts. Go and play. Get involved in cybersport. Stream your games. Gaming is guilty free activity.

PS If you ever again feel like breaking one more Xbox with hammer you can send it to me instead.

 

[Artynoa]

The moment I got a game, id crush it: minimal food and sleep for days if necessary, playing the most difficult modes I could each time, doing every side quest and finding each easter egg. I remember playing late and waking up early before elementary/middle school at 4am just to crush a level or two pre-dressed in uniform. I looked so tired, some people supposedly thought I was cool cause they thought I was smoking weed.

Thank you for your post and especially your andecdotal experience @X3CyO . i understand you, sometimes i can't describe why i behave like you did. But there is so much ambition to solve the quest or win the game. to be the "best"- which i now start to realize that there is no "best" ,no "strongest" ,no "tallest" or no "fastest"... these words are in my opinion toxic to human brain. Once in modern western childhood you learn from your parents, that to be the "best" in one thing , would let you be rich or lucky or happy in life- once you learn that the superlative of every word is the goal of life...then i think you will destroy your future. You don't have to be the "best" in one thing to be happy, to be loved or to reach equilibrium. sometimes its fine when your "good" in something. I still have problems with this issue and i have to stop comparing me to other people. I think i have to start just living life and reconnect with nature.

Altogether it took me about 2 years to really process everything and also implement my physiological efforts specific to trauma disorders.

That is very interesting. I feel that i have to learn so much about me. I feel that there is a big path in front of me. And whenever im afraid to go that path, im hiding in video games. But i also feel that i want to go that path. I know how beautiful the "real" world can be. As ***t and brutal my childhood was, i never give up the hope for a fulfilled life.

While our conditions are different, I recognize myself a lot in your story.

Identifying why you are gaming is important. I played games because it was the only way to feel alive during my chronic fatigue years. During this time I couldn't think straight and didn't have the energy to go out to have fun. Online games were an easy way to get an adrenaline rush (which hurt my health even more of course).

This chronic fatigue got triggered by psychological issues. I had to leave behind my parents, my wife, and my company (more precisely my associates) to start healing because their toxicity hurt me so much. It took me years to battle my fatigue and start taking those decisions but since then I feel a lot better and grow as a person a lot faster.

Thank you for your feelings @nikotrope . I absolutely understand your thoughts. I think there is a "copy-paste" mechanism in your body/brain. These adrenaline rushes that i got from my past- caused by having immense stress in my childhood at home- i have the feeling the body/brain stores these memories and then "copies and pastes" it trough your whole lifetime whenever you get stressed. If i think about it, the body/brain mechanisms are sometimes so simple to understand- BUT if you're in that stressed situation, feeling your pulse and temperature go sky high, feeling your shaking, feeling the rage and feeling your whole world is collapsing- to understand those kind of situations, to understand to be calm and thoughtful at those moments, to understand that what your feeling is not you yourself, its just a summary of traumatic events in your life that makes you feel how you feel... to understand and act immediately to avoid the stressful reaction... that is something i try to learn. Im not saying don't express your feelings, im just thinking to minimize stress and rage.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending your leisure time engaged in play as long as you have the rest of your life in order, I honestly don't see the problem here as long as you are actually having fun while playing. I know plenty of successful men whose lives many would envy who spend much of their free time playing video games.

Thank you for your post @Collden . Like @redsun said if i can integrate gaming in my life in a healthy way then its fine. I answered him that i will try it out. But i now realize that i was lying. by reading your post that "There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending your leisure time engaged in play as long as you have the rest of your life in order" i realize that i tried gaming a few times in the past 5 Years with setting me an alarmclock for gaming about 1-2 hours a day or two times a week or one time every two weeks- and every time this strategy failed. So because i lied, and not consciously i realize now, im going to apologize. Im sorry guys for the other post. that was unprofessional. Thank you @Collden for helping me to wake up a little bit and don't write ***t on this forum. Just to clarify here: Sure there are people who can play 1-2 hours a day fur fun as a hobby, as a relaxing strategy or as a tool to sharpen your mind or train your muscle memory. If so -then great. Im happy for those kind of people. BUT: i don't belong to that kind of group. I tried it and i failed every time. one hour gaming exploded in 5hours gaming, one day gaming exploded in one week gaming and one week gaming exploded in one month gaming. Usually it goes so long until my body collapses and i look like a crack addict.

Please dont feel the need to give energy to the low vibration individuals judging your trouble, focusing on how or how much money you make, and etc. You are in the right place for healing despite some maniacal or condemning comments made. Your openness helps many people and their problems are no smaller than anyone elses

alright thanks @jamies33 . Didn't thought of seeing it from that perspective. Good advice.

The Body Keeps the Score is considered the Bible on PTSD/CPTSD. But most of my treatment was novel or new and hasn't really been written about, though I'd say it references the work of Bessel van der Kolk. I was able to manipulate my thoughts and come out of dissociation through a progressive body weight technique administered by a dissociation researcher. It both brought back all my physical senses as well as changed the way my brain worked. The core symptom of anyone with CPTSD is chronic dissociation....its an alter reality that you think is normal...where you don't really perceive the world as grounded or autonomous, so no core sense of self. Even my hearing was magnified, sense of taste too, during my rehabilitation. One study I found showed that people with dissociation have overactive endorphin system. So if you went running, a "runners high" will last double the time. During even minor stresses, the body is flooded with painkillers. It's still a territory of research in its infancy.

The hormone therapy I started was just a combo of things I've read here on PTSD...as well as studies I've read by Kolk on how the endocrine system is impaired.

Thanks for the suggestion @Peatogenic . Bessel van der Kolk `s book is defintifly one im going to read. Im also going to buy books by Peter A. Levine and Gabor Mate. My goal is to combine those books with the work of Ray. I think there is enough information about Trauma and Nutrition out there and im very happy to discover and learn them. I just have to be careful not overstimulating my brain with too much information.

The main issue is choice: does it feel like a compulsion, or is it something you really want to do?

Dear @Jib . your amazing you know that? Im very thankful for this massive post. People like you are reminding me that im not the only one. people like you are strengthening my feelings for hope. So thank you very much for your story, for your pain and for your help. To get to your post lets start with this one: yes it is absolutely a compulsion. There a lot of things like reading science, sport, painting, piano and writing, that i want to do. Gaming is something i HAVE to do, because it controls me.

It's beyond a "flow state" like they talk about in Zen: you neglect your physical needs, whether it's food, water, or sleep, or even delaying going to the bathroom for much longer than you should. It is not healthy.

Yes. Yes. And damn YES! Im like a machine while gaming. Extremely locked in. Excessive Tension in the body position. Sitting there like im defusing a hydrogen bomb. Sometimes i wish that same hyperfocus in daily life, but more relaxed. But to be honest: right now sitting on my coach and writing to all the reactions i get from my post- that feels really good. really focused and happy. I think this is on of the healthier ways to do things in life.

I use a method called Faster EFT, developed by Robert Smith, which is based on NLP techniques. It's very simple and effective.

Ive watched the video you have posted and im very interested in this technique. As i mentioned i did 3 years ago a psychoanaltic talk therapie for about one year , three times a week. That was good. But i didn't let the therapist to get to close to my feelings- sometimes i wanted to cry during the sessions, but i waited until the session finished and then cried in the car. maybe one day i will do a talk therapy again , but this time with someone else. What i want to say im open to new techniques and im looking forward to dive in deeper into the work of Robert Smith. Thank you for the suggestion.

Also, if your childhood was anything like mine, you learned to beat yourself up, shame yourself, feel guilty for nothing, and be very hard on yourself in general. Very critical of yourself no matter what you do. That's what needs to be changed.

Thats like exactly what happened in childhood. One other big thing was neglect. I always felt nobody is going to accept me. I felt very lonely, thats why i soon , at the age of 7 started with drawing. I draw for hours anime characters and different worlds. A few years later i discovered yugioh! and magic. Trading card game became my new obsession(i don't like this word). After that came "snake" on my first cell phone, a Nokia. After that the first Gameboy, then the first Pc and then the first xbox at age 25. All these things where the perfect place for me to hide and to run away, because i felt everything i do in life im doing wrong. everything im talking is trash, everything im suggesting is dumb and everything i did, im doing now and im going to do in the future has now sense. So the only two things i could do to survive my childhood were: 1. RUN AWAY FROM HOME. 2.PLAY VIDEO GAMES. Thats funny, because im now running away TO play Video Games:)

You gotta ask yourself what you'd rather do with your time, if you could. Instead of feeling guilt/shame over playing videogames, or any judgment at all, ask yourself: what would you rather do, if you could?

Here's an NLP based exercise: you were very descriptive about how you feel while playing games. The excitement, the energy, the focus, the inspiration, the imagination. Is there anything else you can think of that makes you feel this way? When you think about those feelings, what else do you remember doing in your life where you felt the same way? Can you think of anything?

Tune into those feelings of excitement/motivation/inspiration that you get from games. I know exactly what you mean, by the way. Games can be magical. For me, I have similar feelings about going on adventures as a kid. Despite all the horrible things I went through, there are good memories buried in there too. Focusing on the positive feelings you get from videogames is a great way to tap into your imagination and memory. Try sitting outside in the sun and imagine some of your favorite games, and the best times you've had playing them. Then see if you remember feeling those emotions at any other point in your life. If you can't, imagine how you might feel those emotions if you experienced something else in your life. For me, I think of when I first met my ex girlfriend and how great things were in the beginning, or how excited I felt when I started making progress on the gymnastics rings, or playing outside and exploring as a kid.

Thats some really interesting ways to handle my situation. I never asked me these kind of questions in this context. That you for that.

For me, sexual abuse I went through was never acknowledged by anyone, neither was the physical or verbal/emotional abuse. I went through hell, and some of the worst part was no one ever was there to save me, and years later, to acknowledge me or what happened to me. This results in very deep feelings of neglect and unmet needs. The needs will grow louder the more you ignore them. These damaged parts of you need to be acknowledged 100% and recognized 100% in order to be successfully let go to make room for better things.

Thank you for your openness. This kind of Information is very heavy. I also agree that if the more i ignore my deepest feelings, the more they want to get out me the older i get.

It's dirty work. But the mind is a powerful thing. For the bad memories, focus on acknowledging them fully, and then letting them go. Feel them fully. I have spent countless hours crying and barely being able to breathe as I've worked through past traumatic memories and experiences from my childhood. I will remember things that just absolutely crush me and the pain of going through it alone is almost unbearable. But I'll say this: even working on yourself alone, you can make tremendous strides.

You are giving me a lot of self-confidence with your words. This is very beautiful. Its really ironic- im reading these things you guys write on my laptop from people who are maybe on the other side of the world and im asking myself why did nobody in my life talks with this kind of words to me...meh. The few times i cried in my car after the talk therapy sessions and the few times i cried and screamed as a teenager at home while smashing the walls of my room when nobody was at home- there are not so many times i expressed my pain to its fullest. I don't know if im ready to this step now... but i know that i have to do it. I have to start releasing the pain. I know he is waiting for me.

Get some good stuff into your brain. New perspectives. Having hope for dealing with trauma. Trust me: it makes all the difference. When I have been suicidal or attempted suicide, it was because I had no hope left, and saw no way for anything in my life to get better. Planting seeds in your mind of hope/positivity/inspiration will make all the difference in the world.

This make me almost cry. Same feelings here. I hope you keep on doing what you're doing because you are sounding good, you are sounding healthy for me.

If you're undecided, check out YouTube and just start filling your head with positive messages about healing and coping and beyond that -- thriving.

I already started to do affirmations and feel the power of them. I know i have to extend them and try also new things like Robert Smith. Yes, thats beautiful, i like the word "THRIVING". I wish you the best @Jib and thank you again.

Just play. You don't have to feel guilty if you like to play. It's ok to be playing all day long. Society says you can't play because you're adult? Screw it. Just be happy with this life. People all around the world work 12+ hours a day doing stupid useless things to just eat rice and beans. Be happy you don't have to. Majority is bound for monotony. And they define what is acceptable or what is addiction. Someone has seeded that "addiction" idea in your mind. It's not an addiction it's called hedonism. Its called freedom. Through human history hedonism is blamed and ashamed. They say you can't enjoy something because it's antisocial. Do you have to coming crime to play your game? No. Do you have to lie to play your game? No. They invent all kind of addictions to get you feel guilty. The same way religions make you feel guilty about your instincts. Go and play. Get involved in cybersport. Stream your games. Gaming is guilty free activity.

PS If you ever again feel like breaking one more Xbox with hammer you can send it to me instead.

Thank you for your comment @methylenewhite . I tried this tactik called "just play". And as described to @Collden above and to other members, it makes my body sick because i get irresponsible with my health. So people are working 12+ hours a day and eating rice and beans and i should be happy i don't have to? how do you know? maybe i would be happy doing exactly this. Maybe i would be happy working 16+ hours a day and eating only Rice with a lot of pufa? How do you know? "Addiction" is just a word for me, it is a word that explains my behavior and my situation. For other people there are words ,with whom you can describe these kinds of situations. You can call it "Obsession" , "Dependence" or "Craving"... call it whatever is best for you. Nobody has seeded me something in my mind, especially not a Word which im able to differentiate how good or bad it explains my life. I thought about the other Word you're using here. Sure for some people gaming is hedonism. You which things are hedonism for me? Its mountainbiking, its playing basketball with friends, its playing chess with my grandfather, its cooking with my girlfriend, its playing bach, its drawing anime, its watching a movie in theater and making a discussion after that with friends in a bar, its learning biology, its experimenting with nutrition, its going to drink a coffee with a good friend and talking about interesting stuff, its laying in the sun and hearing a nice podcast, its riding to a nice farmers market and buying highly nutritious and fresh food, its reading about self-improvement and its enjoying the simplest things in life like walking through the forest. These things are hedonism for ME. Gaming is a problem for ME. I give a ***t about "they", because i don't care about "they". I am a slave but i try to live life as free as possible by ignoring "they". So whatever "they" say is not in my interest. My Post on this forum was not to show you how guilty i am- it was to show you how much pain i have and how much help i need, because im intelligent enough to see that there is more than being "guilty". This Topic is complex.

 

[redsun]

Thank you for your post @Collden . Like @redsun said if i can integrate gaming in my life in a healthy way then its fine. I answered him that i will try it out. But i now realize that i was lying. by reading your post that "There is absolutely nothing wrong with spending your leisure time engaged in play as long as you have the rest of your life in order" i realize that i tried gaming a few times in the past 5 Years with setting me an alarmclock for gaming about 1-2 hours a day or two times a week or one time every two weeks- and every time this strategy failed. So because i lied, and not consciously i realize now, im going to apologize. Im sorry guys for the other post. that was unprofessional. Thank you @Collden for helping me to wake up a little bit and don't write ***t on this forum. Just to clarify here: Sure there are people who can play 1-2 hours a day fur fun as a hobby, as a relaxing strategy or as a tool to sharpen your mind or train your muscle memory. If so -then great. Im happy for those kind of people. BUT: i don't belong to that kind of group. I tried it and i failed every time. one hour gaming exploded in 5hours gaming, one day gaming exploded in one week gaming and one week gaming exploded in one month gaming. Usually it goes so long until my body collapses and i look like a crack addict.

How are you supposed to even attempt to integrate gaming into your life if you are still addicted to it? Because if your gaming sessions are never planned and always extend beyond their time that means you are still obsessed with it, your mind still think's it is scarce and is going to lose it. Funny how deprivation works. When people try to restrict something because they are told it is bad for them they do it. But this particular thing wasn't something they were even attached to that much at the start. But now once they decided they no are going to partake in it, suddenly they want it. They start craving and obsessing and thinking about this thing they cant have, doesn't matter how small or large it is. They become attached to this thing they stopped, and now they cave first time and stop cold turkey again. And just like that something that was just a normal part of their life not long ago is now an addiction they can't stop thinking about.

When did you decide to even stop gaming cold turkey? Like when was the first time and what was the reasoning at the time? Whatever it is you did the first time has set you up for failure 15 times. Trying to stop it again isn't going to work for the 16th time.

Thank you for your comment @methylenewhite . I tried this tactik called "just play". And as described to @Collden above and to other members, it makes my body sick because i get irresponsible with my health. So people are working 12+ hours a day and eating rice and beans and i should be happy i don't have to? how do you know? maybe i would be happy doing exactly this. Maybe i would be happy working 16+ hours a day and eating only Rice with a lot of pufa? How do you know? "Addiction" is just a word for me, it is a word that explains my behavior and my situation. For other people there are words ,with whom you can describe these kinds of situations. You can call it "Obsession" , "Dependence" or "Craving"... call it whatever is best for you. Nobody has seeded me something in my mind, especially not a Word which im able to differentiate how good or bad it explains my life. I thought about the other Word you're using here. Sure for some people gaming is hedonism. You which things are hedonism for me? Its mountainbiking, its playing basketball with friends, its playing chess with my grandfather, its cooking with my girlfriend, its playing bach, its drawing anime, its watching a movie in theater and making a discussion after that with friends in a bar, its learning biology, its experimenting with nutrition, its going to drink a coffee with a good friend and talking about interesting stuff, its laying in the sun and hearing a nice podcast, its riding to a nice farmers market and buying highly nutritious and fresh food, its reading about self-improvement and its enjoying the simplest things in life like walking through the forest. These things are hedonism for ME. Gaming is a problem for ME. I give a ***t about "they", because i don't care about "they". I am a slave but i try to live life as free as possible by ignoring "they". So whatever "they" say is not in my interest. My Post on this forum was not to show you how guilty i am- it was to show you how much pain i have and how much help i need, because im intelligent enough to see that there is more than being "guilty". This Topic is complex.

Gaming is hedonism for you. You get pleasure out of it, its considered hedonism. You can also be addicted to something that is giving you pleasure. That is the case with you. But if you have guilt about gaming, this problem will never go away. Again I will restate my original post, you can't just let yourself be when you game or do this or that. You have thoughts in the back of your mind telling you how bad what it is your doing is and then you snap and give in and fall into a pit of never ending gaming.

You have in my opinion two choices. Stop cold turkey again and never play a video game for the rest of your life. I am sure it will work this time. Or integrate it into your life. As I said you cannot possibly integrate gaming into your life if you are still addicted to it. Addiction stems from deprivation, and thoughts of guilt, shame, and other negative emotions you have instilled into your brain about gaming.

You can also try to evaluate your past and all that, which I personally think is a monumental waste of time. All it does is take you out of the present moment and stopping you from just being and keeps you stuck in your mind. The problem is your mind, and you desire for control. If you do this, do it with professional help, not on your own.

 

[boris]

Video Game Addiction Treatment | Dr. Alok Kanojia | Healthy Gamer
Clinical experience with over a hundred gamers tells us that abstinence isn’t necessarily the best way to overcome video gaming addiction. Many people try to replicate interventions from biological substances like marijuana, alcohol or opium. These fail to be effective for video game addiction. Abstinence is crucial for biological addictions that have molecules that directly target the brain. However, video game addiction has a more complicated and nuanced effect on the brain. We look deeper into these nuances to deliver a solution that helps gamers regain control of their lives.


Maybe something to look at. Simply getting to know the underlying mechanisms of behaviours is a great help.

 

[boris]

"A competing interest is necessary for breaking video game addiction. As one starts to develop a competing interest it becomes easier to break away from video game addiction in a natural way. "

 

[Peatful]

This is some great content. Each one is bringing a different perspective.

I see it that although the title is “how gaming has ruined my life”- it’s harder to say/acknowledge “how my abusive dad took my childhood” “how my critical mother crushed my soul” “how my pain has caused me to make choices that are in conflict with who I really am”.

I say this because focusing on the behavior doesn’t move towards wholeness.
It may stop the behavior; and replace it with something more accepting socially, less internally shaming- but I needed to look at myself/my story - not at my behaviors.
That got me nowhere time and time again (as the OP has also discovered).

He’s gaming just to survive the pain- I’m not trying to be melodramatic- I’m just not good with words.
Gaming has helped him to a point- until it doesn’t.

 

[somuch4food]

As I said you cannot possibly integrate gaming into your life if you are still addicted to it. Addiction stems from deprivation, and thoughts of guilt, shame, and other negative emotions you have instilled into your brain about gaming.

I disagree here. Addiction can also be an escape. Personally, I was using TV, video games and mangas to escape my social anxiety/low self esteem. My compulsions would come and go, but whenever I felt stuck in real life, I went to those media to fill the void in my life. The thing that completely broke this cycle for me was having a kid. I now care a lot less about others and try to live my life. I no longer think I'm worthless.

This forum has become a kind of addiction though, but I need it to decipher my health problems (mental and physical) that I believe stem from inadequate nutrition and nurturing while growing up. It's more productive for me to obsess over health than games since I'm trying to overcome my problem instead of running away.

 

[milkboi]

A great metaphor I heard once was this:
Think of your normal brain state as a cucumber. Once you get addicted your brain (or rather a specific pathway in your brain) gets pickled. This pickle (the pathway) can never turn into a cucumber again. You can never really use the activity you were addicted to like a healthy, non-addicted person again.

This obviously is only a metaphor, so it is limited in its accuracy, but it is true for a lot of addictions.

 

[redsun]

I disagree here. Addiction can also be an escape. Personally, I was using TV, video games and mangas to escape my social anxiety/low self esteem. My compulsions would come and go, but whenever I felt stuck in real life, I went to those media to fill the void in my life. The thing that completely broke this cycle for me was having a kid. I now care a lot less about others and try to live my life. I no longer think I'm worthless.

This forum has become a kind of addiction though, but I need it to decipher my health problems (mental and physical) that I believe stem from inadequate nutrition and nurturing while growing up. It's more productive for me to obsess over health than games since I'm trying to overcome my problem instead of running away.

Yeh I agree except according to OP his life is good and has nothing to escape from.